Matilda Tristram

0:22 Hi great see also my first joke was gonna be this is probably nothing it's really funny it's about when I got canceled when I was pregnant but you already know that now.

0:33 So that's what it's about I'm just gonna plunge straight in these are the first two boxes I was wearing my favorite t-shirt on the day of the diagnosis I never want to wear it again the flats is full of flowers no one can bring themselves to write cancer in a card apart from one friend who's had it before oh cancer so you might think that getting cancer is it's obviously not a very funny thing to happen but I think things can still be hilarious as well as devastating so this is probably one of the least funny pages in the comic it's where I'm being given the diagnosis I just spent two weeks in hospital having a big tumor removed and at that point hoping that it wasn't cancerous so here's them telling me that.

1:18 Actually it is so a tiny windowless room I try not to think it must be bad news the bad news is that I'm afraid the tumor was cancerous I don't feel anything the good news is that of the 25 lymph nodes we removed only five were infected so we'll give you a course of mild chemotherapy to mop up any leftover cells I'm surprised to notice that the only reaction to being told I've got a potentially terminal disease is that my neck feels suddenly icy cold I think this is the moment we hug each other and cry I'll let you have some space for a bit we hug each other and cry I have a CT scan to see if it spreads to my liver or lungs it hasn't so pretty awful so far this is the scene where I met my oncologist for the first time and although here she's explaining our options which were all awful at home it was half chemotherapy and continued with the pregnancy at the same time or have an abortion then half treatment or delayed treatment till the baby was born she was absolutely delight to draw because she moved around so much and she always seemed to be wearing a ball gown our appointments and and I was always just sort of distracted by her frilly brow and the funny hand movements that she would make so although it's seeing her was awful it was really great fun to draw so we decided that I should have chemotherapy and continue with the pregnancy so three months into all my treatments my son James was born and here he is being born it all happens very quickly and feels like someone rummaging in a handbag tom sits next to me you can see what's happening in the reflection on the lamp here he is they lift the baby over my head I hear him cry and get a good view of his bum all I can think of to say is Wow so I thought at this point it might be interesting for you to see some of the comics I used to make before.

3:12 So this is one about two characters one giving another a present so my work was inspired by life and funny things that happen in life before.

3:24 But I've never really written directly autobiographically I'd never done a diary comic until this point because life didn't really seem interesting enough but now suddenly what's pretty interesting but this is a comic something more sort of mundane about something more mundane so oh what is it what is it guess cushion baked potato guinea pig nope nope nope Boyle town nope Oh booty travel pillow bag of flour nope I can't guess tell me no that would ruin the surprise is it a brain no an artisan loaf no giant peanut whale's tongue nope kryptonite extreme weather weather sleeping bag inflatable armchair no so if you want to find out what it is the rest of the comics on my website it's too long to fit into the ten minutes so I thought I'd just give you a taste in so this.

4:19 This is the first comic that I drew that in which I put myself so this is me and Tom going to the David Hockney exhibition why would they put these ones together I mean why yes my mother's side he was an artist too it's because of the simplicity of style I think yes yes yes yes yes so that was really funny just going around the Hockney exhibition listening to what everybody thought about his art the rest of that is on my website look.

4:47 So this is a strip I made about going to a yoga class in Stoke Newington women's gym so let your eyeballs be heavy does anyone have a silver Audi it's blocking the gate my doctor says I've got hamstrings to die for some people are really Papa but you are much more so health stuff I always thought was funny alternative health and so I really got into that when I was ill making fun of all that stuff so this I can't actually remember what this next slide is it's completely black I think it's an animation. So that I did a load of films about the most annoying songs ever there's a few more guys online if you like that one okay.

6:29 So here. I am starting to draw all the comic and lots of people asked if writing the comic was cathartic and it kind of felt like the opposite of cathartic because what I was writing and drawing I wasn't thinking about how frightened I was so I think that's why I wanted to do it so much of the time.

6:46 So I didn't have to think about the situation that I suddenly found myself in I also think that comics are really great for describing things that are too difficult to put into words so here when I'm feeling like I'm on the edge of having a breakdown and rather than draw myself having a breakdown I drew myself eating some crisps and yes so this is another reason why I made it was to have something to do in hospital so it was suddenly there three days a week years I having a really rubbish part-time job so here's me enjoying the aircon and the desk in there in the chemo ward so I appreciate the aircon and get on with some work you could almost imagine I'm hot desking in a trendy office mom arrives and immediately falls asleep on the beds up next to me gentle snoring a little less like hot desking my mum has this amazing ability to just fall asleep wherever she is and whenever anything stressful so there's also points in the comic of my mum asleep in various different places I also made the comic to kind of question the way that people talk to cancer patients and about illness and cancer without having to kind of confront anybody directly cause any arguments because I know that no one wants to say the wrong thing it's a good opportunity to talk about some of those things.

8:10 So I hate hearing about other people's cancer experiences of course when Roger died especially if they died I feel like I'm being chased by ghosts is really amazing my mom lived for 12 years after her diagnosis that's not amazing that's I for another 50 at least none of these people relate to me.

8:29 So I don't want to know and do you have to pay for parking at hospital yup we did - so annoying the whole thing is so uber annoying I don't feel like complaining about the tiny things it makes it all seem worse it's quite a lot of swearing in the comic as well which is funny I think it's weird and so here's another bit that kind of thing dude you look like a skeleton at first oh no sorry wrong voice jutti look like a skeleton at first sometimes it's as if people want to show they aren't afraid to talk about it I've just got to go to the loo best thing to do is walk away they're only trying to be nice I guess if people's relative died of cancer they do need to talk about it.

9:08 But I'm definitely not the right person to talk about it with sometimes I prefer going to hospital on my own so I don't have to explain to anyone what's happening or with people who I don't have to explain anything to there's my mum asleep again being angry can also be quite funny so here's a moment when I'm really angry some people suggest I got cancer because I'm holding on to pain please have this book it will change your life will it help release some of my pain if I told you to off I also loved writing about East London and where we were living at a time and Hackney I wasn't working when I wasn't in hospital I spent most of the time just wandering about and going to going to cafes and observing funny things that were going on.

9:53 So this is us walking through the park and yes my shits gone bright yellow I just splashed myself in the face with it oh dear I want to go to the park it was a lovely day even those ted-like sculptures look nice so that's the turd like sculptures in Victoria Park we went on some other lovely walks this was us at the city farm that goats got same hair as your dad imagine it with a pint and a Kindle so happy we carry on walking through Whitechapel Victoria cottages cute so this is another time yep one morning Thomas mom looks after James and we go to the veg shop it feels like we're on a date it's a treat to be up together just the two of us there's some kind of music video being filmed in the street two person's face hop some men waiting around in droopy chicken suits embarrassing the tramps look unimpressed I hate myself I want to tell the tramps I'm not like these people but you are just like these people and another lots of trendy funny people isolative hackneyed types on the way to meet my friend Jessica do you girls want to hear what's been my dudes biggest shoe take a knee reach and have a little booty man lots of hot young people sanding the outside of a dark gray pub and carrying planks that's the story on a French girl whinging I was always the one never celebrating never invited or he's talking about making an augmented reality app for Vaseline gonna blow everything else out of them water his tells me I've got a nice oh no it's a different bit a piss trans asked me to have a nice day I will thanks you too there's another day where his trap tells me I've got a nice bump oh it's gone red hold on I just want to finish him one thing red light so this is a poem that I wrote about expensive health food in health food shops and I actually wrote it before I started making this comic before I got ill I didn't really have anywhere to anywhere to use it.

11:48 So it. Now is the perfect perfect time to use it for something.

11:54 So they stuck it in the comic so I try not to spend too much time in expensive health food shops a while ago I wrote a poem about all the stuff you combine them it went Pak Choi preach I yerba maté acorn PI goji acai I Aveda hope you can go away leader blue green algea and tang along only you lang lang agar agar citronella tea pig arnica chlorella dr hauschka spirulina rice cake probe mail for bina flapjack porridge homie great raisin this water Roy Bosh date cashew butter free brain cheap but buck wheat barley Pinto pea mahi-mahi of psyllium husk umeboshi plum at white musk I couldn't think of an ending and still bought quite a lot of it.

12:35 So I'll stop there thanks very much you